Murder, Lies, & The Surprise Party That Broke a Bladder

You know that sinking feeling when you realize everyone around you knows something you don’t? That’s the emotional engine of this story and we get there the only way we know how: by lying our asses off for love.

We’re on the back deck retelling the day we turned a simple “birthday hang” into Operation Cabot Fog, a full scavenger hunt inspired by cozy mysteries and the Murder She Wrote filming location in Mendocino, California. The plan is to keep the birthday girl out of her own house long enough for a surprise party to appear like magic, but first we’ve got to survive a windy Northern California coastal drive, a red wine regret spiral, and an unplanned roadside puke stop that really tests sibling loyalty.

From Dick’s Place to Flow’s ocean views to a darling hilltop cemetery, each clue is a breadcrumb made of nostalgia, family stories, and tiny gifts that hit way harder than they should. We end up at the bluff bench to feed ravens (our beloved goth geniuses) while seagulls try to steal the whole show mid-air, then race back to the cottage for the final misdirection: no speakerphone, no wrong turns, and no walking through the house where everyone is hiding.

If you like travel storytelling, Mendocino trip ideas, surprise birthday party planning, and messy sibling comedy with real heart, press play. Subscribe, share with a friend who loves a good double bluff, and leave a review. What’s the best surprise you’ve ever pulled off or had pulled on you?

Dead Mom Scavenger Hunt is about moving through life after loss without turning it into a whole identity—or pretending it’s not there. It’s two women traveling, eating, finding mildly chaotic situations, and narrating with humor that’s just dark enough to tell you they’ve been through something. The “scavenger hunt” isn’t literal. It’s the ongoing practice of noticing what’s still good, still funny, still meaningful…even when you don't feel like laughing.

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Transcript

Back Deck Banter On Lying

SPEAKER_00 0:02

Hello and welcome back. Hi, it's a real pleasure to be here. Hello, world. We're coming to you from my back deck. Um we're gonna talk about how I thought that my sister was a bad liar. But turns out she's a very, very good liar. And the scariest people are the ones who convince you that they're bad liars, but they're actually good liars. It's a whole bait and switch double bluff. I only lie when it's really important and for a good cause. You only use your powers for good and not for evil? Yeah. I'm not I'm not trying to lie just for funsies. Because it is hard. Like I was stressed. So okay, so see, so sometimes I just die for funsies. The background here. Um we probably won't release this video. I don't know why we would. We're using it. If people want to see how great my my five-day old dirty hair looks, they can see that. But I I just want to say, like, if you hear any clapping, we are being surrounded by moths. They're they're almost gone now, I think. God, I really hope they hurry up and talk right. Slick right the west of the rest of the way off. Ernie, eat them.

SPEAKER_01 1:12

Eat them, eat them off.

SPEAKER_00 1:13

Anyway, okay, so and after the main trip, it's been a hot minute since we went to Maine. We were in Maine in October. It is now April, basically. My birthday was November. Yes, it was. That so something very important has happened since Maine that we need to talk about. I had a birthday. She had a birthday. We will not say which birthday it was. 29 looks so good on me, you guys. She's making it look real hot. Um, and I turned 80. Hammer, my husband, wanted to throw her like a surprise party and asked for some help because you know it's real hard to throw a surprise party at your house for someone who lives there. Yeah, he wanted to do it at home because we do have a back deck. We have a lovely home and a lovely deck and lots of room. And lots of lovely friends that wanted to come over and pop. Yeah, they wanted him ring things and make things. Yes. I do have the best friends. They're so great. Yeah. So he reaches out to me and he's like, hey, I need to pull this thing off. I need some help getting Christmas out of the house. For like a whole day. Like a whole fucking day. Yeah. And I'm like, pulled my beard. Oh, I thought you had it like on. I didn't know you. Well, I it took me a minute to figure out how I was gonna get you out of the house. Okay. But once I figured it out, I was like, I got this. Don't worry about it. Here's what we're gonna do. Oh, so good. So

Plotting The Surprise Party Setup

SPEAKER_00 2:30

I basically was like, hey, I wanna, or no, no, what did he do? Eric. Well, you said, are you doing anything for your birthday? And I said, no, not really. Like, we don't have anything planned. I don't know. I'm not, I'm not a big birthday person. I'm not someone who gives a shit about their birthday. And you said, well, why don't I just come like take you out for the day? And we'll just like do some birthday stuff a day. And I said you were like, great, I don't have anything planned. Well, no, you said, I think Hammer, let me check with Hammer. I don't know if he wants to go to dinner. Oh, yeah, I said I think he might have dinner plans. He had been hinting at maybe having some dinner plans. Yeah. Let me check with him. And so she asked him. Meanwhile, Hammer and I were texting the whole. We planned this whole, the whole like order of operations here. It was just lies on lies on lies. Here's how we're gonna, I'm gonna bring it up, and you'll already be ready to like tell her, Well, why don't you just invite her to dinner with us? I've got a dinner planned for you out.

unknown 3:22

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 3:22

So Hammer said he had like a like a fancy dinner planned out. It wasn't even fancy. It was just us and Raina and Skylar. It was just like a a like a small little thing, but he was like at a restaurant. Yeah, just have care come. We're not going anywhere fancy. You don't have to dress up. So I was like, don't have to wear a couple of things. Oh, that was the reason. Do I have to dress up? And he was like, I was like, I don't want to dress. Yeah. You're like, I'm actually, I think what you said was I'm not wearing a dress. That tracks. Okay. So I'm like, okay, cool. I'll come out, spend a night, we'll go to dinner for your birthday the next day. And then um, yeah, and then I'll like go home or whatever. Like, yeah, we'll spend your birthday together. Easy peasy. Um, and so Hammer had to work that day. So I was like, well, let's go, let's go. You said I have plans. Oh, did I? Yeah, you were like, I have a plan for us for the day, and then we'll come back and go to dinner. Okay. I said, sounds great. Do you see how hard it is for me to lie? I have to block it out. I don't remember what I said or how I did it even. It was it was desperate times. But that wasn't a lie. You did have a plan for us for the day. Yeah. I did. Okay, so I put together this whole scavenger hunt for her. Amazing. We love Mendocino. She loves Mendocino. Bonnie loves Bonnie loved Mendocino. It's a special place for us. And so I put together a scavenger hunt for her, and I handed her an envelope when we left. And I didn't tell her where we were going or anything like that. But um she said she said there was a mystery to be solved, and then it was a scavenger hunt. Also, we should preface by saying the town of Mendocino is where the fictional town of Cabot Cove, Maine, was actually filmed. And we had just been to Maine, yeah, where it was supposed to take place. Yep. So I gave her a big manila envelope, and there was a piece of paper in there that said a clue. Ahem. I have it right here. She has all the clues here. She's gonna read them. Pace file, Operation Cabot Fog, classification, top secret, assigned to Detective Stewart,

Operation Cabot Fog Begins

SPEAKER_00 5:20

many years of filled experience. That's me. Filed by Detective Steinman, slightly fewer years of experience. We've received credible reports of several sentimental artifacts gone missing around a fog-bound stretch of California coast. They must be found. Witness statements describe persistent fog scented with salt and nostalgia. A town where murders are solved weekly, but never actually happen. A bartender who once filed fired a family member. We have a family member who got fired. A bench where interlopers test their luck. Your mission is to identify the seaside village and recover the artifacts before the rain washes away all the evidence. Field note. Pack your raincoat. This case has Petracor written all over it. Yes, it does. So she quickly discovered we're going to Mendo! Did not take long. She knew exactly what was happening. You said as soon as I read Operation Cabot Fog. Yeah, obviously. So we hop in her car and we head out. Um I had a backpack full of all the clues and a few other things. There was also some things along the way. So I'm not sure what happened the night before. Wine. I know, but oh, you know what it was? No. It was windown Wednesday. Oh, we went Yeah, we went to the club. Hammer. The curb belongs to a golf club. And on Wednesday nights, they have wine down Wednesday. Half off all the wine. We went there and I didn't even have that much wine. Me neither, but what we did have is the red wine. I had like two glasses of red wine. The red wine will fuck you. And I woke up in the morning and was like, oh my ever-loving Jesus. Yeah. What is wrong with me?

unknown 7:01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 7:01

I think I told you I said, if you ever see me with a glass of red wine in my hand again, smack it out of my hand. Smack it out. Yeah. Immediately. Because I felt like absolute shit. Yeah. So Christmas decided to drive to Cabot Coast. I would have driven anyway, to be fair. She gets super car sick. And she would really prefer to be driving. I don't know if I would have gone if you said you were going to drive. I'd have been like, let's stay local. Probably wouldn't have worked. Yeah. So she's like, I'll drive because she didn't feel real real greedy. No, I had my own red wine situation. Yeah, it wasn't as bad as mine, but she also gets really car sick. I don't usually get car sick, but anyway, desperate time. Not to foreshadow. Yeah. But the road out to Mendocino is it's like two hours. No, it's an hour and a half. Hour and a half. Okay. But a windy hour and a half. Super windy. Yeah. And I think we made it to We made it to Boonville. Boonville. Before Christmas said, you know, I think I need to. No, you were first. No, I said I think I was on the coast. No, you know what? You said, I think I'm gonna need to pull over soon. Oh, I did? And I said, that's a good idea. And I didn't think I was gonna get sick, but as soon as we did pull

Wine Down Regrets And Road Nausea

SPEAKER_00 8:10

over, I puked everywhere. On the side of the road of the road. Yeah, I did not puke. No, you did not. Yeah, I was just like, I need to get out and I need some air and you get out and walk around. But once we got pulled over, I was like, oh fuck, here we go. Yeah. And I was just just my whole stomach emptied. It was a mass evacuation out of your mouth. Rye heaving on the side of the road. So sick. Did feel marginally better after that. Yeah. But we still had like half of a drive to go. Yeah. So, you know, we did the best we could. I was well, no, you were like, are you gonna puke? I was like, no, actually, you know, I think I'm okay. So we get back in the car as soon as we hit the coast. As soon as we got to the coast. We were less than a mile. Which is why I was like, we need to pull over here because I was like, I don't want to park in the village and maybe run into someone I know. I don't want to park like in town of Mendocino and maybe park puke all over the sidewalk. And maybe run into someone. Yeah. So I instead puked in a national park. Where your best friend got married. Yeah, yeah. Where Raina had her beautiful wedding photos. I pulled right into that parking lot and hurled my guts out. Yep. Sure did. Yeah. So we both threw up on the way to say sister bonding throw up mystery. It was, you know, I'd love to say it was hilarious, but it it still kind of haunts me a little bit because I hate. I think it's hilarious. I never throw up. Like I Jeremy can count on like one hand the number of times he's seen me throw up in like my whole life, basically. And it's anyway, so that happened. It's terrible. So we got there and she opened her first clue. I gave her her first clue. Hold, please. It is right here. This is where these were directions to where we were gonna go. Above the sea, but not the sky, where fog and glass see eye to eye. A place where rain and sunlight flirt, and dinner wears an ocean shirt. Have some lunch. Enjoy the that's clue number two. You're on the wrong clue. Sorry, we're not we decided we shut up, Verdi. We decided we're oh sorry, sorry. We're not editing anymore, so you're gonna get what you're gonna get. Because that'll keep us more consistent. Clue number one. Richard. A name for Richard. Short and quick. It rhymes with tricks and suits this pick. I almost said it suits this prick. Where laughter's loud and morals stray, you'll find your clue and drink to the day. So there is an amazing bar in Medicino

Clue One At Dick’s Place

SPEAKER_00 10:40

called Dick's Place. And there we went. And every time she solved a clue, she got a present. Yes. And in case you don't know, I love presents. Gifts are her love language. Yes. So And it doesn't have to be big, like they were like little stickers, really cute little bags. It's more about the idea. I mean, we should probably talk about love languages at some point. We won't get into it now, but it's more about the idea that someone's thinking about you when you're not there. Yes. That's what the gifts thing is on. Yes. You thought about me and the reminded. I give her this envelope and it's got her her stickers, her gift in it, and stickers, and she pulls them out. Oh yeah. She pulls them out, and the first one she sees is the one that says I killed them, I killed them all. Was it that one? No, no, no. So there were two stickers in there. One of them was um one that I had made of um Angela. What's her last name? Lansbury.

SPEAKER_01 11:29

How dare you? Up. Um what's her middle name?

SPEAKER_00 11:37

Angela Lansbury? No, no, no. The character. Oh, Jessica Beatrice Fletcher? B. Jessica Beat Fletcher, yeah. Okay. Anyway. JB Fletcher, Jessica Beatrice. I had I had some stickers made that said, I killed them. I killed them all. Yeah, with her picture on them. I love them. They're my favorite thing. But the other stickers said, if Juno, Juno. And if you recall, that was our idea. And we had been waiting for in Alaska. Yeah. We told the Kindred Post in a in Juneau, we were like, you guys are really missing an opportunity, golden opportunity here. No, I still have seen no one do that. Juno, Juno. Yeah. And she was like, oh my God, who fucking stole our sticker idea? Like, nobody. I had made. It's like, okay. That was fucking awesome. Because I love that you just jumped to theft. Who stole our idea? We've been betrayed. He was asked, Do I need to kick? Yeah, because they said they were gonna tag us on Instagram when they didn't do any of that. Never had any of that. Anyway, so if you know as you know. So we got our little drinks. We had a bloody Mary. I think we felt a little better. Oh no, we b well I had a hot toddy. No, I had a seven up and I might have just had a seven up.

SPEAKER_01 12:44

No, that's not true.

SPEAKER_00 12:47

I had a hot toddy. I had a seven up and a bloody mary is what I did. Okay, there it is. And also, remember our bar friends that we met? The the bartender there, her window was out, so she just had like Yeah, the weather was shit. So she just had um what do you not like tart, but she had like what was like a garbage bag. Yeah, it was a big yeah, it was a garbage bag duct taped. She had a broken window in her car and she duct taped up with a plastic bag. Yes, and then start it was dumping. And they were trying to figure out how to fix it. And the locals were like one of them was like, I have a screwdriver. I was like, I have a knife. Like between all of us, we can We can do this. We can fix it. So she was complaining that the foreign auto place up in in Fort Bragg said it would be like six months to get the the window to replace it. Yeah. And then they wanted like a bazillion dollars to put it in. Yeah. And we were like, And she had the she had the window like in the back seat. Yeah, we can Google this. Like we could do it. We didn't. No. Spoiler alert, nobody did anything talk shit about it. We talked about it and then ordered another train. Yeah. And then I got clue number two. Yep. Let me read it again, this time for the people in the bath. Above the sea, but not the sky, where fog and glass see eye to eye, a place where rain and sunlight flirt, and dinner wears an ocean shirt. Have some lunch, enjoy the view, and toast some wine to honor you. Which we knew was flow. Wonderful upstairs restaurant in Mendocino. Yeah. Also, special, uh, special meaning because it was a place where mom and I used to go. And I remember when like her when she couldn't really walk anymore and her legs were starting to go, she was like, if I can't even walk upstairs and have lunch

Lunch At Flow And Gratitude

SPEAKER_00 14:30

at flow, like kind of what's the point? You know, they really want to do that. Yeah, they didn't they they didn't have an I mean it's old school, you know, they don't have like an elevator or escalator, not ADA compliant. No, but it it's been there since the dawn of create it's like an old water yellow, you know?

unknown 14:46

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 14:46

So every time I walk up the stairs, I'm like, oh my god, so much gratitude. Like I have legs that I can like walk up these stairs and enjoy this view. Yeah, it's a it's a real gratitude moment place for me. Yeah, for sure. So we had some bang and crab cakes. Sure did. Um also wine, bang and crab cakes. And I got clue knoff. Oh, and you got um, and you got your second gift. My cute bag. Was that my cute bag?

SPEAKER_01 15:11

I don't remember what birthdays were. That was the petrichore perfume. Oh, I do love that petrichore perfume.

SPEAKER_00 15:20

And room spray. Uh yeah, there for a couple of different perfumes. Hey, bird! I mean, honestly, I really hope that Zoom is doing a good job filtering out because this is this is like insane. The dogs are barking, the neighbors' dogs barking. It's it's that time of night. It's that time of evening where things are wild enough. Okay, clue number three. Up the hill where silence sings and moss adorns forgotten things. These are so good. Like you should be a poet. Actually, I have been published as a poet in an anthology and in the high school anthology and I'm a poet and I wouldn't even know it. Is that what I'm saying? Oh no, I know it. Do you remember what it was? I'm not shy about it. I can recite a couple poems, but we're not gonna do that right now. Just a couple lines. Just give me a couple lines. Um To those I see, I'll say I'm over him, but still the pain inside my heart burns strong. Oh god, how does the resina go? That's a Lincoln Park song. Um The Bird Sits Heavy on her perch. She's burdened down with sorrow. Her song She Cannot Sing Today, her song we cannot borrow. Until Fuck. You know what I can recite. You're very good at rhyming. Oh, I know. Oh

Cemetery Stop And Witchy Gift

SPEAKER_00 16:35

I know, I know. You know what I can recite without any problem is the puffin book from when I was five. What's the puffin book? There once was a puffin just shaped like a muffin. He lived on an island in the deep blue sea. He ate little fishes that were most delicious. He had them for breakfast, and he had them for tea. But the poor little puffin, he couldn't play nothing. Or he had no one to play with at all.

SPEAKER_01 16:56

Oh, that's so sad.

SPEAKER_00 16:57

So he sat on his island, he cried for a little while, and he felt very lonely and he felt very small. Then along came the fishes and said, If you wish us, you can have us for playmates instead of for tea. Now they all play together in all sorts of weather. And the puffin eats pancakes, like you and like me. Is this why you won't eat puffin? No, it's why I'm so in love with puffins. But the but you won't ease if you won't eat a puffin. No, that's just just they kind of taste like chicken. Damn.

SPEAKER_01 17:27

Woman.

SPEAKER_00 17:27

They taste like chicken. I don't care. Well, don't go to Iceland. I won't. Well, no, actually that's not true. I will. They serve a lot of puffin'. Okay. The number three. Up the hill where silent sings, and moss adorns forgotten things, carved in nar nope, carved in narbur, carved in marble, names half told, stories sleeping, letters old. Seek the one the ravens know, whose flowers fade, but still they grow. Pause and listen, breathe and see. The past remembers who ye be. Obviously. The graveyard. The cutest little cemetery in Mendo that I love, love, love. It's the most darling little cemetery on a hill, and I love walking through it and hanging out in it. And Bonnie used to love to go hang out in the cemetery with you and look at old weird gravestones. Absolutely. And if you ever see a fresh pile of dirt, it's not that we put her ashes there. No. No, we would never dump and dash. That's illegal, and we would never do it. Frowned upon in that establishment. I don't have clue. Oh, and then I gave you the gift. Um, you got an amazing gift at that stop. Which was an ornament. Oh, yes, yes. The witch picks ornaments, which I was super stoked on. I believe you didn't get yourself one. I know, I know, that was dumb. You gotta was okay, but it was such a last-minute thing because I was I couldn't get it overnight. Like I couldn't order it fast enough. Okay. Because Hammer, of course, like this was not thought out well in advance. Oh, I'm sorry, you're saying my husband isn't good at planning things? A week before he's not good at planning. Hey, I've got a plan. So I did order an ornament and it's a picture of with a witch pick. One of the witch picks picks. And it's it turned out I thought it was gonna turn out shitty, but I did so good. And it turned out so good, and I was like, fuck, I should have got myself one. I bet you could just reorder. Oh, I'm sure.

SPEAKER_01 19:21

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 19:21

I'm sure they do that. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 19:24

So then we got clue number four. Ahem. Aww.

SPEAKER_00 19:33

An island heart in a seaside town. Shamrocks whisper, pints go down, where accents mix and tails are fed. Seek the soup, the blush is red. Pair it with Ascend Stream, white and softer than it seems. Which is Patterson's pub where we have lemon. Also, same family member got fired from there. Yep, sure did. Uh, they have a great, great Reuben. Yes. Great Rubin, great soups, great pints, great. I think that was actually, I think Patterson's is the first place I ever played like on the phone bar Yahtzee with mom. Oh, really? Yeah. We had played and she was like, no, no, we can do this. I put it on my phone. And I was like, what the fuck? And she like busted it out and we did bar Yahtzee

Patterson’s Pub And Bar Yahtzee

SPEAKER_00 20:25

at Patterson. I think that was the first place. I love that. I was like, wait, you can play Yahtzee on your phone? Like I'm the daughter, right? She's like, yeah, fucking boomer. Here you go. In case you're new here, we play Yahtzee on our phone. Much, much bar Yachts. Everywhere we go. Oh. Everywhere. Even places we don't go. Even we'll probably play it right here later after we turn you guys off. Right. After we turn you on. That's we'll turn you on. We'll turn you off. Turn you up. And then we will play bar Yahtzee. Suck us. Suck it. Yes, look at her. Or there you got a cookbook. That you already had. Well, no, no, no, no, no, no. I already had one in my possession. I well, you had a lovely inscription on the one you gave me. You said, Happy birthday, you old bag. Just love me. So I said, I will keep this one. And I gave the other one to Kainoa for his birthday because he's December. Okay. That worked out. And he was so very excited. And you got an extra, you got another gift. You got two gifts at that one because I gave you a bag of wonder bread. Yes. And then we took said wonderbread. Said wonder bread. With clue number five. Okay, so you know um the place where we go, the grocery store where we go buy the wonder bread? Yeah. That's Mendoza's. That's where What's Her Face's kid works. I don't follow. Jess's kid. Oh. Works there. That's Harvest Market. So my brother. If you're new to town, people call it Harvest Market. Okay. But if you've But m it's been Mendoza's since like the 60s. The Mendoza's owned it and then it got sold and now it's like Mendoza's purpose market. So all the newbies calls it call it Harvest Market, but all the old timers call it Mendoza's. Okay. And that's the market where we buy the wonder bread. And that's where my brother's um kind of stepson, I guess. Yes. So totally irrelevant, but there you go. Good to know. Clue number five. Where ocean cliffs and feathers meet, the clever ones await

Ravens Bench And Seagull Chaos

SPEAKER_00 22:30

their treat. Black coats shimmer, beaks held high, old souls laughing at the sky. Bring them what they truly crave. White and soft, their hunger staves, beware the thieves with wings of white, dive and steal mid-air and spite. Feed who remembers, draw what you see. This bench was theirs, then yours, now we. So good. I mean, you know that that what is it? What do you mean? This was the longest one, and this one's my favorite. Oh, well, it's also yeah, it is my favorite slot. There is a I had some help with those. Chat Chatty Daddy? Chatty Daddy did help. Chatty Daddy did the damn thing. I had to I had to edit a bit. Sure. A hot sure bit. Sure. But you know I can tell it's Chatty Daddy? Yeah. Because oh no, you know what? I I love a long daddy. You can type them now. Oh, I've always been able to type them. Oh, I couldn't type them before. Oh yeah, you can do that. Because everyone's like, oh, it's a long hyphen. That's how you know it's AI. Yeah, what's it called though? It's a um, there's a name for it. I can't think what it is right now. It's the long hyphen that chat always does. Yeah. AI loves a um a long hyphen. God damn it. What are those called? A liphon. We'll call it a liphen. That's fine. That's good. That's fine. We'd be lifened. I know what they're called. I can't think what it is, but anyway, god damn it. Do you want to look it up right now? Is it gonna make you feel better? Your phone's right there. I mean, it's kind of gonna bug me if I can't think of it, is the problem. Well, I don't think I even knew what the corrector is. I've always just known it was a long- It's an M-dash. An M-dash. Yeah, it's called an M-dash. I believe it to those of you who looked that up. This is an audio format, but also so to those of you who are just listening, she didn't have to look it up. She picked up her phone and then went, it's dug I dug real deep into my paramenopausal brain and then went, an M dash. Yeah, I I use M-dashes because I like the space that it creates. I don't like the tiny dash. And so every time somebody gives me a hard time about M-dashes, I'm like, fuck you, that was me. Yeah. Dad, Chatty Daddy had nothing to do with that. I love the M-dash. Okay. Okay. So I'll that's the hill I'll die on. Sure. And Oxford, actually, the Oxford comma is the. Oh, we'll both die on that hill. We'll both die on that hill. I will fight you with bare knuckles. If you don't use an Oxford comma, get out of here. You can suck my dick. All the way. All the way. All the way down. Anyway. So there is a bench kind of out on the bluffs in. Yeah, my neighbor loves this. Um, in Mendocino. And it is where I get to feed my ravens, a beautiful, wonderful, lovely pet ravens. Mew and you and Bonnie go out there. Yep. Um, and we've been the ravens are wonderful. They're my they're my homies, they're my children, they're my spirit animal. But occasionally, some fucking little seagull motherfucker will come in there, the interlopers. She called them interlopers, but they're interlopers. I'm trying to have special time with my bibis. And they're just all they're squawky and loud. Ride right in and still screw. They're really aggressive. They are, but they're not even like like some of some of the ravens can be aggressive. There's ones that are like greedy beaks. Greedy beaks is very greedy, and he gets right up in there and will have like giant cheeks. But he still maintains a little bit of class. Seagulls have no class, they're rats with wings. That's what my dad calls them. Yeah, they're the they're the crackheads of the sky. Yeah. Yep. So but uh, but we were we had a great time at the bench. We gave them all the breads, and so it rained the problem was with this. It's not a problem, it's a challenge. It was an adventure. It started pouring harder than dumping. Real, real fucking hard. And it was ripples as balls. I loved it. It was so cold. And so our bread was getting wet, and the you want to get up here, Bertie? Bertie's looking all sad. Like we don't have room on this bench for her, but we do yeah. So we had to go down to the bench with the the wonder bread, and that was like our last stop until the last clue. But it was raining so hard. We basically just like threw the whole thing of bread out and we're like, okay, thanks, bye. Yeah. Hopped in the car and then had a big. Well, this was the last clue. Oh, right, right, right, right. Which which I was like kind of confused at first, because I was thinking it was somewhere in Mendocino. She said, Your last present is at the last stop. Yeah. And clue number six was where laughter leaks through every seam, and Pooch sustains each half-baked scheme, a haven built for hosting ease with crackers, mics, and processed cheese. Beware the land seal on patrol. Who ate a fly and lost control? Gagging echoed, hero fled. Toilet paper for the dead. And at first I was like, Where in Mendocino? Like, what? Um and you were like, It's your house, you dumb shit. Cottage. It's the cottage where we live. Where we hang. Yeah, where it is my house at your house. Yeah, my house at your house. Yeah. So she was like, we have to go back to the cottage. Yeah, back back home. That's where we go. But okay, what's so bad is like

The Last Clue Leads Home

SPEAKER_00 27:35

I'm coming to the cottage. Hits different because of um heated rivalry. Oh, I'm not finished with that yet. But you know about the cottage. No. The cottage. No. Okay, well, never mind. Okay, career. I will get there now. I will definitely get there. Um so the reason that I had the last clue hidden. Was because we had to come back to go to dinner. So she's a hammer. We had we had her bamboozled. So bamboozled. Into thinking that we were gonna go out to dinner, and she was very concerned with whether or not we'd have enough time to get ready for dinner and how like how do I need to be fancy? I cared about that too, but not as much as you did. I was cared more than you did, probably. You're like, what's to wear? Like, do I need lipstick? Like, how much time do I need? Yeah. We need time to get ready. Okay, fine. We're ladies happened. We're ladies. Yeah, and so we were running a little bit late, probably like 20 minutes late. Yeah. Um, and Hammer was gonna be waiting for us. We had people, you know, whatever. So we called him. She was like, let Hammer know that we're running late. This was funny because Christmas likes to talk on speakerphone.

SPEAKER_01 28:39

I do.

SPEAKER_00 28:40

And I do not. I don't want people to feel left out. So if you're in the car, I don't want you to feel left out. I want you to be part of the conversation. It's nice. I was in charge. She was like, call Hammer and just tell him that we're running a little bit late. And I knew that there were people here getting ready for a big birthday party and that there was noise. There were Hammer called in a lot of reinforcements with friends. Raina, Megan, the gang was all here. Yeah. Everyone. And they even taped, they put post-its notes over the cameras at my house. So that they wouldn't alert her all the time. Yeah, that there's someone on your back deck. I was which I wouldn't have even been alerted, I've been like, oh, my husband walked outside. A lot of times. I I wouldn't have thought anything of it, but they've so they did the damn thing. The reason that the present was supposed to be in the cottage was because we needed her to walk around the side of the house, not inside where they were staging all the food for dinner and stuff. But back to the cottage. Back to the cottage along the side of the house. And so we pull up and ever he knows. Well, first of all, hold on. Megan could track me. No, first of all, I yes, of course. Well, and Hammer was tracking me too, just in case. Can he still track you? Oh, I don't know. Probably. I should probably remove that. I mean, I can track you. He thinks. I don't think he knows how to do that. I don't care. I'm always at home anyway. Unless I'm here. Yeah. Anyway, so she was like, call Hammer and let him know we're running late. And I'm like, okay, fuck. So I call him, but I don't put him on speaker. And I knew she was gonna throw a fit about it. And I was like, hey, uh, we gotta go, uh, we're running late. Sorry, we'll be home in a minute. And you're cutting out. He was trying to run back to the cottage because it was hella noisy. And I was like, okay, gotta go by. And she was like, Well, I was gonna have you put him on speaker. I was like, no, it's cool, it's cool. He says it doesn't matter, whatever. So that was a close, that was close. Close call. Close call. And then we came around, we came, we got home, and she was like, just come through the house. And I was like, no, fuck off. Come on, let's go. Like, I kind of had to get a little bit aggressive. You got bossy, you got body. I'm the big sister, she never gets bossy. I was like, oh, okay, well. I was like, dude, come on, just come around, just come with me around the side of the house. Let's get this done. Let's go get ready for dinner. Let's fuck as well. All right, fine. I had to go mom mode on you. You did, you did. And so you're like, fine, like, Jesus fucking Christ. So we come around the side of the house through the back gate, and everybody jumps out and yells, surprise. And she like basically a tear. Well, first I thought I was like scared. First, I thought I was getting shot. Yes, yes, you did. Oh, because you have Yeah, I had to have a crazy friend that was like a little bit maybe gonna be a problem. We had a friend who had some mental issues and at this time was being really unhinged. And I had shown Kara like all the crazy unhinged. We weren't sure if it was gonna be a physical threat at that point. We didn't, we didn't know. Um yeah. I forgot about that. So and and we just got in text that morning. Yeah, yeah. It was it was kind of happening all at the same time. Yeah, and you were like, oh my god, this is scary. Like, are you a my safe staying at your house? Yeah, kinda, yeah. And so first I thought I might be getting shot, was about to hit the deck, and then I

Surprise Reveal And Big Feelings

SPEAKER_00 31:50

saw I saw Spencer's face because he was sitting right at the edge of the deck, like I saw friends, and then I like it was just one of those like you're so emotional. And you were so yeah, I wet my pants a little bit, and then I was like, hold on, I gotta go change my underwear right now because I wet my pants a little bit, and then I got inside and was just like overcome with, oh my god, there's so many people here that love me and I'm so happy. And then I had to have like a little cry about it by myself. I love that. And Hammer came in, he was like, Are you okay?

SPEAKER_01 32:19

I'm like, it's fun. I love everyone so much.

SPEAKER_00 32:23

And then I was like, hold a second. Kara knew this whole time. She's supposed to be the bad liar. She's supposed to be a terrible liar. I'm supposed to be the only good liar in this family. I'm the diabolical one here. Absolutely. And then I was like, oh, it's a double bluff. The best liars are the ones that convince you they're bad liars. And then they're the good liar. That's not true. It's a double bluff. It took me weeks to recover from that kind of energy. And my poor husband, he did the most. He had rented linens, he had rented tables, like he did it. Uh he did. And things you might not know about me, I am a basic bitch and I love anything pumpkin. Anything pumpkin, I am here for it. So it was a whole pumpkin-themed potluck. There was a gorgeous pumpkin cheesecake, there was pumpkin mac and cheese, there was pumpkin beer braised ribs. Within moments of arriving back at the homestead, we had pumpkin margaritas in our hands. It was it was done so well. The weather ended up being really nice back here at round, too. Oh, it was gorgeous, yeah. Um, it wasn't raining, but it wasn't hot. I got to see friends of yours I haven't seen in forever. Fleagle was here. Fleagle. I cried when I saw Fleagal. Oh fun. Yeah, I almost cried when I saw Fleagal. It's been like 15 years. Yeah. It it just it was it worked out. I've never seen it work out. Like, I can't believe we surprised her. Like, I was like, there's no way she doesn't fucking spec stuff. I had no idea. I was so proud. Honestly, one of my proudest moments of my life. It should be. Like it's right next to my marriage and the birth of my son. Right up to number three. I'm saying I'll number three. I'll take bronze medal. Like successfully lying to you. Bronze medal,

Pumpkin Potluck Highlights And Pride

SPEAKER_00 34:05

I'll take it. I I remember like going to bed that night, and you and I were up the latest. Yeah. But I remember like I was like, I'm laying my head on my pillow right now, and like, what a perfect day. I was like, this was a perfect, perfect day.

SPEAKER_01 34:24

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 34:26

That was fun. I was really glad that you were surprised because it wouldn't have been as fun if you hadn't been surprised. And I I think because neither Hammer and I are birthday people, it would I would never think that he would because I don't give a shit about birthdays. He doesn't give a shit about birthdays. It was just not something that would have ever been on either of our radar. Which is excellent, because I just forgot to call him on his birthday like last Saturday. And I fucked up and you were like, oh, he doesn't give a fuck. He really doesn't. He's like fun. Well, and Jeremy, your husband and I made a pact. Oh, you did? Yeah, we made a pact that I will never wish him a happy birthday on his birthday. Oh, you like to do that. Yeah, because I'm always gonna forget. I'm it's I'm not gonna be good at it. So we're gonna give each other the grace to know that it's not gonna happen on your birthday. It's probably gonna be one or two days later. And even if I remember on your birthday, I'm not gonna do it. I'm gonna hold off and do it a couple days later because now it's our thing. So even if I forget, it's our thing. I like that. Yeah. You know, make it work.

SPEAKER_01 35:26

Yeah, make it work, people. Yeah. As as Tim Gunn says, make it work. Yep. Does he still say that?

SPEAKER_00 35:33

Is he still alive? Oh, I'm sure. Well, I don't know. But I would assume. I just didn't know if Project Runway was still a thing. I'm sure it is. It doesn't matter. That's neither here nor there. I've never seen Project Runway. I know. Even what? I know. That's what I heard. Never seen it. Or at least it used to be any. Never seen it even the story of Christmas's birthday. Oh god, Tim Gun. He's 72. Yeah, he's 72. He is alive. Um, oh, and he apparently he says he's always been kind of asexual. That doesn't surprise me.

Birthday Pact And Tim Gunn Detour

SPEAKER_00 36:05

He said uh he feels unashamed of this fact. Do I feel less of a person for it? No, I'm perfectly happy and fulfilled individual. Good for him. That's fine. Good for you, Tim Gunn. I'm a big He's remained celebrant for 43 years. Really? That's what he says. Huh. Following a devastating breakup in 1982 and then the AIDS crisis, he was just like, nah, not into it. Interesting. He said he's happy living alone and wouldn't have it any other way. I mean, that's kind of what I love about humanity is that there's this giant spectrum. We get to all be weirdos in our own land. There's like so many intersecting spectrums, and we're all somewhere on all these different parts of it, and we're all like a beautiful different star, and that's what makes it interesting. Yeah, absolutely. So do you, Tim Gunn.

SPEAKER_01 36:52

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 36:52

He is apparently doing him. Probably. Okay. On that. We will bid you a precious adieu. A deeper. Happy birthday to all who say. Happy birthday. And those who don't care? Happy non-birthday. Happy whatever. Happy day that ends in Y.