Dead Mom Scavenger Hunt
Welcome to Dead Mom Scavenger Hunt where cousins Christmas and Cara tick off the wild, sometimes ridiculous wishes from the bucket list of the late, great Bonnie—Christmas's mom and Cara's bonus mom. Every episode, we unpack grief and life’s absurdities through belly laughs, bizarre encounters, and the kind of soul-searching that only happens when you're half a bottle deep into questionable wine, munching on crackers and what-the-hell-is-this cheese. It's not just about where we go, but the oddballs we meet, the unbelievable stories we gather, and the existential crises we tackle together. Strap in and hold on —Bonnie's list isn’t going to complete itself, and things are about to get hilariously out of hand!
Dead Mom Scavenger Hunt
Bars, Bears, and Bald Eagles, Oh My! (Alaska Part 2)
The Alaskan adventure contiinues as we fulfill Bonnie's last wishes by spending time together & processing grief in our own unconventional way.
• Boarding a small, luxury Seabourn cruise ship in Vancouver after spending the night at Pan Pacific Hotel
• Experiencing an unexpected customs incident where Christmas's sentimental pocket knife is confiscated
• Coining the phrase "Dead Mom Scavenger Hunt" when explaining our trip to new friends Luke and Michael
• Exploring Ketchikan including Dolly's House historic red light district tour and local dive bars
• Discovering the challenges of getting around in small Alaskan towns with no Uber access
• Visiting the Fortress of the Bear in Sitka to see rescued grizzly bears, including playful sister bears
• Exploring the Raptor Center in Sitka to see magnificent birds of prey including massive bald eagles
• Enjoying local Alaskan cuisine including king crab and specialty food trucks
• Learning about Alaskan pull-tab gambling games in local dive bars
• Embracing the cruise experience despite initially not considering ourselves "cruise people"
Welcome to Dead Mom Scavenger Hunt
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Welcome back. We are here to talk more about Alaska, part two. If you made it through part one, great job. Yeah, I mean, we don't know if this is going to be interesting to literally anyone else on the planet but us, but part of our mom's last wishes were for us to spend time together and, if nothing else, this is a chance for us to get together and hang out and talk. I mean, we're talking into a microphone, but it's mostly just like she and I are hanging out and shooting the shit, which we would be doing anyways. So it's a way for us to fulfill wishes. Have a great time, stay connected. Process grief, process grief. And if anyone happens to listen to it and like it, that's kind of just a bonus. Yeah.
Speaker 2:That's kind of where we're at with it.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's kind of where we're at with it. Yeah, so when we left off, we were spending the night at a gorgeous hotel in Vancouver, pan Pacific.
Speaker 2:Sidebar. If you did miss the last episode I think it was, it'll be episode six is where we started the trip to Alaska and we got you all the way through to where we get on the boat.
Speaker 1:We haven't actually made it to Alaska yet. We're still in Canada. We're still in Canada boat. We haven't actually made it to Alaska yet. We're still in Canada. We're still in Canada. It will have the word Alaska in the title, but we'll try to find something to make it funny Like can you believe we haven't even made it to Alaska yet? That's not good.
Speaker 2:We'll workshop it. It's okay, we can do whatever we want. We'll sort it out later.
Speaker 1:We'll workshop it. Okay, we stayed the night at the Pan Pacific. At this juncture in the journey, at this juncture in the journey, god, those views we are waking up in Vancouver.
Speaker 2:We're ready to get on the ship.
Speaker 1:We're waking up in Vancouver. I'm like, dear God, I have got to wash this hair. Canada deserved better. Did you wash your?
Speaker 2:hair that morning I did. I thought we didn't shower for like the first week.
Speaker 1:No, we showered right before we got on the boat. Okay, yeah, we showered that day.
Speaker 2:Spoiler alert. We did go for a long time on this trip. Spoiler alert.
Speaker 1:Cara and I are disgusting. We are trash people. I mean for classy ladies. The white trash is strong in us.
Speaker 2:I shower all the time at home. I don't know why I went like a whole week without even body rinsing on this trip. It was so weird.
Speaker 1:I shower all the time too, but I literally only wash my hair once or twice a week.
Speaker 2:I do loathe washing my hair.
Speaker 1:The washing part. I don't like it's the drying and dealing with it afterwards.
Speaker 2:For me it's the gagging in the shower thinking about wet hair. Oh yeah, Kara's got a like it is weird, insane.
Speaker 1:I could literally just text her, which I have and been like I saw a hair in the sink today and I thought of you and she will. If I send her a picture of a hair in the sink, good god, she is going to like, like, throw up a little in her mouth, we're done anyway. Anyway, um, we both got cute. We washed our hair showered.
Speaker 2:Got cute showered got cute, realized we had no idea how to get our bags on the boat.
Speaker 1:Yeah, remember this was sort of like a little bit of crisis well, no, they said just to put a tag on it and that someone would come get them. We didn't have any tags. No, we care, is making this way more dramatic than it actually was? I was worried about it. We called and said hey, we're getting on the seaborne boat that's shipping out today. Can you bring us tags? And they said how many do you need? And we said six. They said cool, they brought us tags, we put them on and then they took our bags away, at which point Kara was like well, I hope they get on the boat. We don't know, we'll see. I did have.
Speaker 2:I will say I had very little faith in them delivering our bags to the right places on this entire trip. I felt pretty good about it, except for my knife. I'm happy, I am happy to report that when we did get on the ship, our bags were in our room.
Speaker 1:Yeah fuck yeah, they were in our room. They were. They were in our room with champagne and things waiting for us like welcome snacks and things. Yeah, um, but we had to go because we were traveling from canada to alaska, which is the US, for those of you who are real dum-dums For the uninitiated.
Speaker 1:Yeah, we had to go through customs before we got on the boat. Yes, and this is a good time to say that I am a person who always carries a pocket knife. It is either in my purse or on my person. It started I couldn't even tell you how many years ago my grandfather, my mom's dad, who we lived with for a good part of my childhood, always carried a pocket knife and I saw him use it all the time and I just thought it was cool and you'd be surprised how much I use it. I use that thing almost every day.
Speaker 1:So I always carry a pocket knife and I don't even think about it unless I'm checking a bag in an airplane. I put it in the bag and then, when I get to where I'm going, I take it out of my bag and I put it either in my pocket or back in my purse. I did once fly to from San Francisco to San Diego and forgot that it was in my purse and they didn't even catch it. They just let me roll with it. But then I got to San Diego and it's a sentimental pocket knife. I didn't want to, so I was all worried about them taking it on the way home. So I had to go to a post office and mail it home to myself.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I was not prepared for the level of sentiment that you attached to your pocket knife. I love that knife so much Because when they took it from you, I well, I forgot it was in my purse.
Speaker 1:Cause again, we weren't checking a bag on a plane, we're just getting on a boat, but you still have to go through security, us customs. Uss Didn't think about it. Should I have thought about it? Yes, absolutely, Did I do that? Surely not. So when I went through she was detained, they sent my purse through and were like Woo, woo, woo, yeah, well then they made me do the whole you had to get like patted down.
Speaker 1:And oh, I got patted in so many places. I got a lot of action. I'll say that um probed and they took my knife and taped it with like blue painters tape to a card and said we'll give this back to you on the boat at the end. Well, first they said we'll give it back to you on the boat. So I I was like, okay, cool, this is just a customs thing, they'll give it back to me on the boat. Was I describe my level of anxiety about my knife?
Speaker 2:You were extremely anxious, yeah, about the fact that it had been taken from you and that you weren't sure you were going to get it back.
Speaker 1:And part of the anxiousness was just my own frustration with myself for not knowing better and putting it in my big bag. Yes, I felt like I had let my knife down.
Speaker 2:They eventually did release you, but did not release the knife. No, they kept the knife.
Speaker 1:They said we're going to give it to the stewards on the ship and they will give it back to you.
Speaker 2:No, it wasn't the steward. It was, was it the steward?
Speaker 1:no, it was like head of security or something.
Speaker 2:Yeah, security guy. Yeah, uh, nice english fella whose name I can't remember.
Speaker 1:He's kind of hot I think pretty much anyone with a british accent who doesn't have like gray teeth is hot. Okay, that's fair. He had deece teeth, deece teeth and he was. He was kind of in like an older salt and pepper zaddy way with a british accent. Yeah, okay, um, so we, we get. They do, release me. Our bags are nowhere to be seen. We're trusting the universe that they're gonna get on all my belongings and her precious knife are just in the ether.
Speaker 2:Yeah, but we, we see the boat. She's pretty, she's tiny, so and we made it through. They let us through.
Speaker 1:They let us through. And did we stand in a line to get on the boat? I don't know if you could even call that a line we just like we walked right up.
Speaker 2:They checked our ticket numbers.
Speaker 1:We got and this was where dead mom scavenger hunt was born. Yes, because we were walking onto the boat talking to.
Speaker 2:We sat well we sat in rows of folding chairs just for a few minutes, like I don't know maybe like 10 or 15 minutes, yeah, until it was time to board, yeah. And then we got in a very quickly moving line, got on the ship and luke and michael were standing. Our friends, luke and michael, our friends look at the hat luke and michael.
Speaker 1:Cheers to luke and michael. They were standing in line behind us also, I always clock when there's a lovely gay couple and I'm like that's who we're gonna hang out with. Those are our new best friends. I had clocked them because they were sitting next to us. They had beautiful luggage, they had beautiful watches. They looked so cute together and so they were.
Speaker 2:I had already had a crush on both of them behind us in line getting on, and that's when we started talking to them and they were like oh, you know do you have you cruised seaborne? Are you cruisers?
Speaker 1:and we're like no, and apparently they're like they stay on seaborne pretty hard.
Speaker 2:Yeah, they're um locals, yeah, locals on the seaborne adventure and they were meeting up with some family members and stuff. And um, they were, and you, that's when the phrase dead mom scavenger hunt was coined, when I it flew out of my lips and I shuddered in my soul.
Speaker 1:It kind of wasn't planned, but it fits so perfectly. And, as I mentioned before, I think subconsciously I phrased it like that because I didn't want people to think they had to walk on eggshells about it or tiptoe around about it. But I also wanted a quick, concise way to say what we were doing and why we were cruising, even though we said that we were not cruise people. It is a great way to describe what we were doing. Um, so we got to our room, which I was so excited when we saw our room.
Speaker 2:It's, it was beautiful it was absolutely gorgeous, spacious, had a little suite that had a balcony and a separate little room for sleeping, like you could. Yeah, there's a bedroom. Yeah, there's a bedroom.
Speaker 1:A full bedroom, a giant ass walk-in closet, a mini fridge, which they said we'll stock whatever you want, just like write down on a piece of paper what you want. Or just call and say I need more root beer, or we really like this one Sauvignon Blanc, which was what we did. They had, yeah, champagne waiting for us. We popped the champagne, we toasted mom, and I didn't know this, but usually when, I guess, when a boat is ship, I should probably say ship when it's pulling away from port, they like play music and it's partying, and I made caris sing the canadian national anthem, which you did a great job at such a kook we had been on the boat for maybe 15 minutes.
Speaker 1:There was already a dude in the hot tub yes, there was one guy who you could tell.
Speaker 2:We were standing kind of up on top watching the ship. We were like watching us watching ourselves sail away. Well, we wanted to go. Yeah, we went to.
Speaker 1:We we had to explore the different levels of the ship and we went to the top level because we really wanted to get all the views. And we got a view of a dude already in the hot tub, his wife like noodle dancing next to him yeah, white people noodle dancing.
Speaker 2:He clearly had done this before and he was an older gentleman, as you, I think, mentioned um, so we nicknamed him what do you call him? Glenn, glenn, carl. We thought he definitely was the kind of guy. Well, I think we were.
Speaker 1:We were like what's his name? And I said Glenn and you said Carl at the same time. Yeah.
Speaker 2:So we decided he was one of those guys that has two first names.
Speaker 1:Glenn Carl.
Speaker 2:And then we're like that sounds like a band like Glenn Carl and the Saggies. Yeah, we were talking about his balls.
Speaker 1:Absolutely, glenn Carl and the Saggy Balls. I don't think we posted a picture of Glenn Carl. I gotta think I did, because it seems like something I would do If we didn't, I will.
Speaker 2:I'll find it's from far away. You can't really.
Speaker 1:Oh, my god, we forgot the aquarium.
Speaker 2:Oh yeah, we did go to the aquarium in Vancouver as well. It was again like On the list. That was on the list and we did talk about that, I think in episode one we did so circle back to episode one.
Speaker 1:If you want to hear about that, stanley Park is amazing and the Vancouver Aquarium chef's kiss. They're really doing the Lord's work there. This is a good time to say Kara and I are. Neither of us are religious at all, so if you hear us say thank God or doing the Lord's work, it is not because that's our normal mode of operating. Yeah, okay, oh, here's you singing the national anthem. Where is Glen Carl?
Speaker 2:in the studies. I have a picture of Glen Carl. Oh, there he is.
Speaker 1:There he is. We'll put it on the socials.
Speaker 2:No, we'll just put it in.
Speaker 1:Patreon. Okay, he is in the hot tub. His wife is sitting next to him already, eye rolling. Yeah, and do you think that this was him just kind of like exerting his dominance over the hot tub like he's first man in? He's like this is my hot tub, my man ball sweat is already in here. So if you guys want to get in, know that glenn carl has already had his balls all up in there.
Speaker 2:I feel like this was not his first rodeo and he was like I am. This is the only way to shove off is to be in the hot tub while we, while we deport and head on our way. This is, this is the exit strategy.
Speaker 1:This is the exit strategy um, he also seems like he's just a hot tub guy. Yes, I bet he has one at home.
Speaker 2:I wish I was a hot tub girl. I want a hot tub. I don't give a shit about hot tubs. Oh my God, I love a hot tub.
Speaker 1:Also, let's remember, this is in Vancouver, which, even in July, which this was was not hot, no, it was chilly. It was chilly, it was, and he was just like in his little, like man swimsuit yeah, feeling him so. So at this point in the trip we are afloat we are afloat and we've seen our home for the next week, seven days yep, and then what did we do?
Speaker 2:so it we were at sea for at least 24 hours before we got.
Speaker 1:Yes, well, and they had that whole welcome.
Speaker 2:Oh yeah, we did have to show up and um like get a debrief about oh, the, the, um muster we had to muster, yeah, where your muster station is.
Speaker 1:This is just safety bullshit, but it was okay.
Speaker 2:But I will say, you know, going back to last much we hated the big cruise lines. This was very small, it was very cozy, um, and I think we got to.
Speaker 1:We just had to show up at the location and then we got to go watch a video back in the room oh yeah, remember we didn't have to sit through a whole presentation and our muster station was like the fancy, the fancy dinner place, like the ballroom, yeah, so we.
Speaker 2:We showed up there. They said, you could watch this on your yeah, it was really, really at your leisure.
Speaker 2:They made it very easy for us, yeah, and then we cruised along um the I don't think we were in the inside passage yet, but they had music. And oh yeah, when I took that video, you went out on the balcony and you were drinking a glass of wine and having like sort of an emotional moment, which I did not realize at the time. Oh, but you scored it to music and you scored it, that that music on. I did. You put that music on.
Speaker 2:I think we, I think we can safely say that my music skills while we were there were sus at best, and I was videotaping you out the window and I didn't realize you were having like a sad moment. It wasn't a sad moment.
Speaker 1:It was just a pensive moment. It was a emotionally charged moment. Yeah, yeah, you can tell I washed my hair that morning. That's some freshly washed hair, yeah, yeah. So Did we go to? We went to the fancy dining room that night. We did.
Speaker 2:We went to the fancy dining room and had a lovely meal.
Speaker 1:Oh, and remember, I and also the food is actually good, really good on us. Well, on this particular seaborne ship, we can't speak to any of the other ones without trying them. I would nudge, nudge, wink, wink. No, no, we're gonna have to check. I'm just gonna shut the fuck out.
Speaker 2:I think that's a great call this is gonna be a long road for you if I shut all the way up I'm all the way up um what was our first stop um ketchikan. So we cruise, cruise, cruise. Super comfy bed, by the way, the whole the accommodations like. I cannot say enough good things about how cozy and comfy the sea ship was.
Speaker 1:Oh, and they gave us the nicest Helly Hansen. Oh yeah, we had to go claim a jacket. We had to go claim a jacket, they're so. Is it a color I would pick?
Speaker 2:No, I would absolutely pick that color. I love that color blue.
Speaker 1:You look great in that blue. You do too. It's just not a color. It's not a color I wear a lot. I'm a black and white and gray person. I'm wearing blue right now, but they're like Helly Hansen, I know is great ski wear.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's high end ski wear.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and this thing was windproof. Yeah, wayne proof, wayne pool, wayne proof no one named wayne can touch you when you're wearing this.
Speaker 2:My neighbor across the street is named wayne fuck that guy.
Speaker 1:He's not touching you in this coat. Yeah, they're very nice.
Speaker 2:I sent a picture to Jeremy and he was like holy shit, that's a really nice ass jacket. I'm like I know.
Speaker 1:Also, I was like there's no fucking way I'm wearing this while we're on this cruise, because it was also, I think, the reason they do this. It's a high vis, blue, yep, easily identifiable, so if you're at a port, of course, a lot of people were like I'm going to wear this new seaborne jacket so you could clock the people any place we stopped. We were like, oh, there's a seaborne asshole.
Speaker 1:There's another seaborne asshole not that they're ass, not that they're assholes but I think that's what some of the people in the ports probably think. Right, we weren't thinking we were not going to wear them at all they do say seaborne on them also yeah, which I mean I'm gonna wear it at some point and I'm gonna laugh my ass off if someone is like oh seaborne hey, I wore mine uh to walk the dog when I got home and sent you a picture.
Speaker 1:I was like look at my jacket, yeah it, but it also because everyone was wearing them. It did look like we had joined a cult. We did look like a cult. A hundred percent looked like a cult.
Speaker 2:I think you, before we got our jackets, though even you got a massage, because, remember, you woke up like the morning we left vancouver oh yeah, I did something weird in your neck.
Speaker 1:I did um, I tried to.
Speaker 2:I tried to work it out with a tennis ball that's why I have all these pictures of you in your uggs and your.
Speaker 1:There's a there's a great video of me trying to work it out on the the wall and I look like I'm owing on the wall.
Speaker 2:And that's yeah. And then there's pictures of me wearing this level. I love orange. I do love an orange and blue.
Speaker 1:It's like a Denver Broncos situation, which I know you don't give a shit about, right? We also, because our first 24 hours were at sea, learned some things. We learned that Kara is an excellent card shuffler I am.
Speaker 2:I am really good at shuffling cards. I am not because we played rummy. We played rummy we. We went to the and it was really funny because there's this like beautiful observatory kind of room in the beginning conservatory and it's very quiet and everyone was in there reading books and being super quiet, but we wanted to play cards, so we went in there and I'm shuffling cards.
Speaker 1:It was so loud.
Speaker 2:I have a video, I think.
Speaker 1:Oh no, I do too I think it's, is it posted?
Speaker 2:There?
Speaker 1:it is. No, we'll post it. It's really funny Cracking up. Oh, I got a note under the door that said Christmas Stewart, we have your knife. This is not what it said. I mean, it's called a confiscated item receipt that got slipped under the door, but it said that they have a pocket knife, black pocket knife, date of confiscation and that they would give it back to me at the end of the trip. Now, was there a picture of it? No, did I know that? It was my specific knife that I love?
Speaker 1:no, I just had to say I had to hope and dream.
Speaker 2:Needless to say, she was still spinning wildly out of control about this knife. I really was I think I think there's like one formal dinner night, yeah, per like, per people like they well, there's, there's a sign there's themed events.
Speaker 1:Yeah, well, the, because the first night there was an LGBTQ meetup. Yes, and I was like we're going to that Cause, that's where we're going to find our people. Yep, we went to the LGBTQ meetup, met all our new best friends. We saw Luke and Michael there.
Speaker 2:We saw Luke and Michael. We met all their friends that they were meeting Alfredo, alfredo, yeah. So that was super fun. And then I think that first night was the formal night. It was I want to say it was because I can see us in our formal attire. We also like sidebar. We packed way too much shit for this trip. I brought stuff that I didn't wear or even think about wearing. I don't know what I was thinking.
Speaker 1:I wore most of my things except for some footwear, cause we didn't well our formal, our formal wear. We both wore a beautiful fancy dress. I did wear a gown and I was going to wear some really cute white boots with it and just wasn't feeling it and I was like you know what I'm going to wear? This formal gown with my checkerboard vans. And I wore my vans. And Kara was like you know what I'm going to wear?
Speaker 2:this formal gown with my checkerboard vans, and I wore my vans, and Kara was like you know what? I'm going to wear my checkerboard vans too. I was going to wear my flip-flops, but I did have vans, of course, because who doesn't have vans Right, everywhere they go, sure.
Speaker 1:And I'm not a fancy shoe. It's usually in the snow or the rain. It's got to be pretty serious.
Speaker 2:Yeah, like if it's just flip-flop family, flip-flop family.
Speaker 1:So we did, we wore our vans to dinner that night, which looked fucking cute.
Speaker 2:It was fun. It was really fun and the food was so good. I think that was the night. We had the fish with the potatoes, the mashed potatoes, that was good.
Speaker 1:Oh, I am a sucker for a mashed potato. Was that the night we got roped into having dinner with those two ladies?
Speaker 2:that were like no, because I think. No, you know it was. Yeah, that was the night we met um faith, and I have their names hold on okay because we need to tip the hat to them.
Speaker 1:Tip of the hat to them. Well then, were the two ladies from new Orleans that I loved um, who are not faith and other faith. I'm Facebook friends with both of them, on or not Facebook, um on the Instagram, and I don't remember either of their names, and I feel so bad now because they were so great. I have it written down somewhere Shoot. Um, uh Shoot. This is great podcasting right now.
Speaker 1:Well, it's not important, I'll cut it out, but we happen to be waiting for a table in the crystal ballroom or whatever the fuck it's called the fancier dinner place, and these ladies in front of us were like oh, there's two of you, there's two of us. Do you guys want to have dinner together? And this was maybe the first or second night and Kara and I were both thinking, oh shit, are we gonna get it? Do you want to talk about mom trauma with these two? That seems fun. So we had dinner with them. Um, one of them was dating shitty dudes we had to give relationship advice. The other one was talking to us about how to be more godly. She was recently divorced.
Speaker 2:Remember, um, and she was like, oh, god, damn it. This is such a bad podcast.
Speaker 1:There was a lot of talk about jesus having plans for us, and kara and I are just kind of kicking each other under the table. Yes, chris and Sandy were from NOLA.
Speaker 2:Oh, chris, and.
Speaker 1:Sandy are the ones we love.
Speaker 2:From NOLA.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yes, chris and Sandy. Cheers to Chris and Sandy, if you guys are listening to this, and I know Sandy for sure was definitely into doing one for her kids, and I think Chris was as well doing a Dead Mom Scavenger house.
Speaker 2:Yes, and then it was hope and roberta. Hope was from camel, indiana, and roberta was from cincinnati okay, and those were the gals that we had dinner with on formal night and it was I want to say it was. Was it hope or roberta that had just gotten divorced and she was? She gave us some of the funniest quotes do you have them? I do, I'm okay, cara's really good at remembering quotes. No, I have to write them down.
Speaker 2:Oh sorry, she's good at writing them down. That's why I'm struggling, because I'm trying to find them.
Speaker 1:Oh yeah, hope said um, I don't do pretend.
Speaker 2:I don't do pretend anymore. Yeah, that was really cute, because it wasn't her husband a doctor.
Speaker 1:And she was like I worked three jobs, while that motherfucker she didn't say motherfucker, but she was like while he went through medical school and then he like cheated on me and left me and now anytime, like we're together, I have to pretend like I like him and for the sake of the kids the kids are all adults, by the way, the kids are all in their 30s and she was like I don't do pretend anymore. Yeah, also, I like to think that we gave Hope like some chutzpah, also because we weren't going to talk to her about what Jesus wants her to do.
Speaker 1:She also said I just got to go home and do nothing Like when she doesn't want to do something, she'll be like I just got to go home and do nothing. Pretend is not my thing anymore, which I love.
Speaker 2:We have all these funny quotes that I wrote down, Like where does this one come from?
Speaker 1:When he touches your body, it's a miracle. Where did that come from? I don't know. I wish I knew. Though, when he touches your body, it's a miracle. Oh, and then the bartender.
Speaker 2:Well, we'll get there may we have another glass of wine? Yes, you may. That'll be 10 bones. Oh, that's right, 10 bones baby 10 bones.
Speaker 1:Um well, catch a can was our first step, and this is this is what I told kara. Anytime you want to see a place, we're not doing fucking excursions if there's shit we want to see. And there was a couple places we wanted to see, but each of those was one excursion through the boat, because then you have to deal with a bunch of other people. I was like we'll just pop over to one, get in an Uber, pop over to the other one. We can bang both those out. Bing, bang, boom. In the time it takes people to just get on that bus. Yes, and I said, if you want to see a place, what you do is you get as far away from the cruise as you can. You go to the first dive bar you find, or just any like sketchy looking dive bar, and you talk to that bartender because they're going to tell you what's up and where you should go and that's exactly what we did in ketchikan as soon as we got off the boat.
Speaker 2:We did that everywhere did we go buy gloves and hats first, or did we go to the bar first?
Speaker 1:we went to the bar first we got off the boat we went to the bar and that's where she told us about dolly's house, dolly very famous, madam stopped in.
Speaker 2:What did we? We stopped in, bought some drink, drink tokens.
Speaker 1:We bought drink tokens we have to go back to alaska. We have so many drink tokens from so many bars for anyone who doesn't know what a drink token is.
Speaker 2:In some places in the world you can buy like a little wooden chip, like a poker chip that has usually some kind of marking on it.
Speaker 1:It's like good for one drink. It's like a gift card, but it's a gift chip, yeah, it's gift chip, yeah, token. So I wonder if Dolly's house was affected in that landslide that happened right after we left. I do not know.
Speaker 2:I hope not, I doubt it.
Speaker 1:Dolly's house went there. Well worth it. So great, amazing, madam. I love madams. She was also in cahoots. She lived next door to the sheriff, or somebody.
Speaker 2:Marshall, I don't know. All of this is very like there was so much information flying at us all the time. Yeah, and we were drinking Irish coffees at like eight o'clock in the morning. Sure.
Speaker 1:We were. We were drinking irish coffees at like eight o'clock in the morning. Sure we were in vacation mode. Don't judge us, yeah, um. Don't judge me, don't, no, no, you're judging your own self and I am I'm. I don't like it and I won't have it yeah, so that was really fun.
Speaker 2:Um walked around ketchikan. I will say ketchikan was much. Um we, we had breakfast at that little hole in the wall.
Speaker 1:Oh, that was where that guy was watching funny videos beside us. Oh yeah, he was so great and he the server said he came there every single day, usually had the same thing and remember the servers were fucking with him. They were like cranking him. Yeah, they were putting like shit in his coffee. Yeah, it was cute.
Speaker 2:It was. It was a cute little scene. Yeah, it was a cute little scene.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and they gave us a walking map.
Speaker 2:Yep, we got a walking map Saw some totem poles, lots of totem poles. It was lovely, I think of like all the weather we could have gotten in Alaska. It could have rained on us a lot more than it did we did not get.
Speaker 1:I love the rain, so I wasn't mad about it. I don't love the rain.
Speaker 2:Oh, it was the preacher's house.
Speaker 1:The madam lived next door to the preacher's house and they were totally like cool with each other.
Speaker 2:That's where I found out that, at Dolly's house is where I found out that prostitutes used to put silver dollars up their hoo-hahs Because that would like damage the sperms and that's how they. That was one of their first forms of birth control. Remember that. I do remember that. I thought that was one of their first forms of birth control. Remember that. I do remember that. I thought that was fascinating.
Speaker 1:The sign outside Dolly's house says where both men and salmon come upstream to spawn, and it is a historic red light tour in Ketchikan.
Speaker 2:Highly recommend. Very entertaining. Highly recommend. Very fascinating, interesting.
Speaker 1:I mean Dolly God. I love her.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so Ketchikan, we were only there for a handful of hours.
Speaker 1:We didn't have a whole lot of time. Uh, we did. Okay, so we did dolly's house we. We walked around those stairs. We saw some streams. Um, we went to yet another dive bar. Oh, that's where we catch a can, is where we discovered the little pull tab things.
Speaker 2:Yes, I don't know what those are called. Let us talk about the pull tabs in Alaska.
Speaker 1:I don't know what they're called either, but and where we played our first game of bar Yahtzee and we I put myself as JB Fletcher, you put yourself down as hot dog, cock dog, rooster plate.
Speaker 2:What you used emojis. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I am Felicia now.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you're Felicia, I think I'm still JB Fletcher. Oh yeah, we tried on some great clothes.
Speaker 2:The Pioneer, did you already get?
Speaker 1:Pioneer.
Speaker 2:Cafe. No, yeah, yeah, that's where we had breakfast. That was really good. Pioneer Cafe. Little greasy spoon hole in the wall. Loved it. The dude next to us, he looked like he was, I did take a picture of him.
Speaker 1:He looks like he's 120 years old. He was probably 40. Yeah.
Speaker 2:What did we split?
Speaker 1:a BLT and a clam chowder and a chowder.
Speaker 2:BLT and a chowder picture of a ford ranger. Hmm, shocker. Yeah, it was a cute little town, it was a good time, um, and then we went down to oh, the potlatch which is a great dive bar.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that wasn't the first dive bar we went to, but it was the last yeah, that was on the way back to the ship what was the first one? Do you remember uh?
Speaker 2:no, I don't. I might have a picture of it I don't either, but also that bartender was.
Speaker 1:She was chef's kiss good information. Okay, here's pictures of that bar, but I don't either, but also that bartender was Chef's Kiss Good, she was full of information. Okay, here's pictures of that bar, but I don't know they're not going to have their name in there. I mean, this is good podcasting.
Speaker 2:I know we suck. Sorry guys, I'll cut this out if I have to.
Speaker 1:We can cut it out. And you taught me Kitchiitchik kitchik constant style kitchen, noble kitchipopo kitchik constantinople.
Speaker 2:we don't know what it means, if you know what it means, my grandma iris used to say that growing up holla at us and she, yeah, I would actually love to solve this mystery because she would always say it growing up and I I never thought to ask her what it meant. She's gone now. She passed um, i't know like 10 years ago or something like that, and I have Googled, I have tried to figure out what that means. Maybe I could ask ChatGPT, but it's all phonetic too. I don't know what it would look like spelled out, where the language comes from.
Speaker 1:I remember hearing it as a kid too.
Speaker 2:Was it gobbledygook? I don't know. I wonder if it's just like a canadian little like nursery rhyme thing. I don't know. I feel like it had. I don't know. But she would always say because I remember hearing it as a kid too kitchen opal, kitchen, popo, kitchen, constand and opal and I feel like it's a either a curse or some kind of I'm gonna guess it's not a curse if grandma iris was just saying it to you constantly.
Speaker 1:She's like I hex you with my dying breath no.
Speaker 2:No I mean she wasn't hexing me, obviously, but like some kind of incantation of sorts.
Speaker 1:She was probably trying to cast the demons out of you, probably she was always very worried about, like hanky-panky and like saving your soul.
Speaker 2:Saving my soul in that way, yes, yeah. Again, we'll cover our religious trauma in a different episode that will be a different episode so. Ketchikan was a success. Yes, got back on the ship.
Speaker 1:When we were leaving for dinner that night to go to. I don't think we had dinner at the Fancy Pants place that night, I think we went to. Oh sorry, we forgot to talk about the pull tabs. Yeah, we got to finish, pull tabs Okay.
Speaker 1:So in Alaska you can buy these like little lottery tickets, but they have like physical little tabs on them that you pull open and they have like a very satisfying sound that's like right, well, and you're not allowed to gamble in the bars there right, because we were playing yahtzee on my phone and we were trying to use like we learned in sitka when we know we learned in sitka when we pulled out the deck of cards remember, yes, but also remember we were just playing Yahtzee with like straws and they were like no, you can't do that yeah.
Speaker 2:So we got in trouble.
Speaker 1:The pull tabs are so fun. What are they like?
Speaker 2:They're a dollar a piece or something like that, or a quarter a piece, I don't know what they are.
Speaker 1:Cheap as shit. But then we kept winning another you know dollars worth.
Speaker 2:We didn't ever win any money.
Speaker 1:But we won many more pull tabs.
Speaker 2:Allegedly you can.
Speaker 1:You know what we won? We won hours of entertainment. It was very entertaining. They should have them here in the US. So fucking fun. I'm glad they don't. I'm glad they don't. Would you just be a hardcore beer donkey it would be a bad scene.
Speaker 2:I'll just say I liked them a lot and it's. I like them a lot too to like sidle up to the bar and buy a bunch we'll play 20 worth of pull tabs and they just hand you like a thousand of them.
Speaker 1:It was so fun.
Speaker 2:We settled into the culture very quickly I could live in alaska so easily.
Speaker 1:Um, I don't think I would even mind the dark times. You would not be able to survive the dark times, nope I barely survived december and january yeah in california kara is far more solar powered than I am yes, I am I'm lunar powered yes, I need the sun, I need like.
Speaker 1:Even right now it's raining and I'm mad, oh I love it, the like, gray skies, rain that is my jam. Um, so we left ketchikan. We got back on the boat. Kara was a little worried about missing the boat always in forever, because she's a worrywart. Um, and we didn't go to the fancy pants restaurant that night. We went to the colonnade, did we? Yes, um, and that was the night that we were about to leave and I was like we got to turn off the music in our room before we go. Where the fuck is that music coming from? And you started filming me and I could not figure out why and I wanted to capture wherever the music was coming from, because it was really weird.
Speaker 1:I looked for that music for five minutes, could not figure it out. At one point opened the refrigerator as if it would be coming from in there. Like, looked everywhere, we finally figured out your girl's a dum-dum. It was playing from my phone which was in my back pocket so of course it was following you around.
Speaker 2:Yes, yeah. And then you called me later. You and reina called me on the phone and accused me of orchestrating that whole thing. You guys thought you set me up. You were like so did you at any point start recording because you knew that it was coming?
Speaker 1:well, I didn't I didn't think that and I was showing right into the video and listen here, bitches. No, I didn't think that until she she put that in my ear. I was showing her the video because I was like, look, your girl's a dum-dum. And she was like, oh, bitch, cara, like set you up. I was like, no, she, your girl's a dumb, dumb. And she was like, oh, bitch, cara, like set you up. I was like, no, she didn't.
Speaker 2:I did not set you up.
Speaker 1:She's not that devious. I'm not that clever. And Raina was like oh she 100% did, so I had to call you immediately to know if you had set me up.
Speaker 2:I was so offended that you thought I set you up. I was cracking up you little proud that I thought you were that devious, or possibly that devious. No, I just I'm just not like. I just I'm so literal, like I'm not even sarcastic, barely ever, because it just doesn't. It's not the way my brain works. Like I just wouldn't think of doing that to you. Oh, it was. I was just trying to document everything because that was the plan.
Speaker 1:I felt so stupid we were going to try to document anything that might be interesting.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so yeah, just for the record, that was not my orchestration.
Speaker 1:You guys can see it in the Instagram highlights. I was just as confused as you were. I took so many pictures of the Alaska sunset, which is at midnight.
Speaker 2:God, that was a lot.
Speaker 1:I loved it I took so many pictures of the sunset at midnight. Oh, here's one that you must have taken, because it's just a picture of the railing of our veranda. That's how you know, kara took it.
Speaker 2:That's how good I am, folks.
Speaker 1:Was.
Speaker 2:Hanes, our next stop. Next was Sitka, I believe.
Speaker 1:Oh yeah, bear time.
Speaker 2:We had to get on one of those little. What are those called? It's like a little tiny ferry that you take.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's a ferry that you take from, because one of the other nice things about Seabourn we're not sponsored. We would love to be, we're not.
Speaker 2:Even though they we might be by the time you listen to this.
Speaker 1:God willing, even though willing, um, they, even though they are a small ship, there are certain small towns that just don't have a dock that can really accommodate them. So you do have to take a little like it's not a zodiac, but it's not far off um to their tiny little baby docks and cares. Right now, care is trying to figure it out. She's asking are you asking dr sister? No, no, no, google, she's trying to figure it out. She's asking Are you asking Dr Sister? No, no, no, google, she's just Googling it. Sitco, now we're getting to bear time. Guys, which is what A tender? Tender is the night. Tender is what? The little tiny Tender? No, that's Secret Lover. Tender lovers, that's what we are. Tried so hard to hide, the way we be.
Speaker 2:That's secret lovers.
Speaker 1:That's not right.
Speaker 2:Tender lovers is what it is now in my brain.
Speaker 1:I'll never get out of there, you're welcome.
Speaker 2:But it is called a tender. Yeah, as in, tender loving feeling.
Speaker 1:I was so excited about the grizz.
Speaker 2:Yes, so we had, there were, several things that we could do in Sitka. Sitka was gorgeous All these tiny little islands around it.
Speaker 1:Well, even when we were, when we knew we were going to Alaska, I had requisitions of Kara had things she wanted to do. I had things I want to do, and two main things that I wanted to do was bear time, grizzly bear time.
Speaker 2:see some grizz and big birds of prey time yep, I wanted a raptor rescue center and bear time, yep, but and sitka was both of those we didn't want to have to choose one or the other and they did sort of overlap, I believe if you, if you went through the tour part, you went through the tour, yeah, which is I was like bing bang, boom. We're gonna do both of them we had this great plan that we were going to show up in Sitka and Uber wherever we wanted to go. Spoiler alert Heads up Big fat red warning for anyone going to most, I think, most places in Alaska.
Speaker 1:Well, all the tiny places we went, yeah.
Speaker 2:You probably can't Uber wherever you want to go cars.
Speaker 1:Not a lot of cars.
Speaker 2:In the morning we went to the first restaurant we could find, got an irish coffee and asked the bartender how do we get?
Speaker 1:how do we?
Speaker 2:get out here and she's like like we're like are there cabs here? How do people get places? And she was like there are two people that drive places in this town yeah here's this one guy. I highly recommend call him, he will come get you do you remember his name?
Speaker 1:rob?
Speaker 2:is rob, right, I don't remember his name. I wish I did, but he he showed up in like a nondescript van and was like hop in, yeah, and we were like cross our fingers and I mean luckily we're old enough to where no one's trying to traffic us. Like no one cares. I'm not sure anyone wants this.
Speaker 1:But at this point, this is when I was really wishing I had my knife, because, you just never know, I like to have my knife on me.
Speaker 2:We also had very limited cell phone coverage.
Speaker 1:We had zero cell phone coverage.
Speaker 2:Well, we did in town, because we did call them and get connected, yeah, I guess that's true. What's his name? Whatever his name was, we'll call him Jason or something.
Speaker 1:Let's call him Rob, because I think that might actually be his name. So Rob came and picked us up and I didn't get like a serial killer vibe, no, no, he was super cool.
Speaker 2:Him and his wife were from Sitka and they had a bakery out in Arizona where they spent their summers Right or no Alaskan winters they spent out in Arizona and then they would come back to Alaska for the summer. And he drove around and I don't know what she did, but I think she baked, maybe I don't know, but yeah, they like specialized in scones or something like that, I don't know. Anyway, so he drove us out to the Fortress of the Bear and said, okay, I got to go back to town and pick up some other people.
Speaker 1:I'll come back in like a I'll be back in 45 minutes to take you guys back to town. I think he told us more than 45 minutes.
Speaker 2:He said 45 minutes an hour. Oh, okay, something like that. That's how long we were at the Fortress of the Bear.
Speaker 1:Time is loose in Alaska it's loose.
Speaker 2:And we it's loose and we had zero cell phone reception out at the fortress of the bear so no, we're just so.
Speaker 1:We visited the fortress of the bear. Fortress of a bear is a place where it is all rescue bears who can't be in the wild, yep, but there was the first thing we saw which made me cry because it was so cute. It was two sister, two bears who are sisters, who were just in the water tackling each other and having so much fun just playing, playing, playing. And I was like, look, kara, it's us in bear form and I totally cried because it was very cute. Um, when we're both, kara and I live, we have like black bears are a dime a dozen they're always all over the place yeah, there was one in your garage yes, there was one in my garage yeah, we have a lot of black bears.
Speaker 1:We don't have brown bears and we don't have the grizz, because california sucks and we used to have brown bears here, but, um, I shouldn't say california sucks, humans suck, and we got rid of the brown bears here, um, but we saw major grizz. We saw those cute brown bear sisters. I tried to follow that veterinarian down because I wanted a closer look I almost made it yeah, somebody was the owner.
Speaker 2:The owner was like ushering his buddy down there to take photos. Who?
Speaker 1:was a former the bears former veterinarian and I was just like if I just walk down with them, like I own the joint, like maybe I'll get far enough to where they can't let me walk back by myself yeah, she has zero regard for the rules, just FYI.
Speaker 2:I do, and Kara is a rule follower and I just shook my head and watched her get rebuffed when the guy was like almost made, like what are you doing?
Speaker 1:I made it all the way down and he was like, are you with him? And the vet's like, nope, she's not with me.
Speaker 2:He was like you gotta go. They made you turn around and go back. All right, it was worth a shot. Hey, I shot my shot. Yeah, she just wanted to get a little bit closer I wanted to get so close to that cute bear. So and it was a giant grizzly and it was so fucking cute so we got our fill of the bears, and then we went out front and sat down and waited for rob to come get us.
Speaker 1:There was a moment when I was like Rob's never coming back, Like he's, we've been abandoned, but we live here now Like in reality.
Speaker 2:We only waited like 10 minutes out front and then up he rolls in his little minivan, yeah, and slid the door open for us and we hopped in and went back to town and he dropped us off at at the the raptor center center.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I will tell you. I did check when we got in the car the first time to make sure there were handles on the inside of the door. Oh good call, because that was a ted bundy trick. In his little like gold car he would like be like, help me with my boat. I have a cast on. And then, once he got in, the chicks would realize that the the doors did not have handles on the interior. So I did check for handles on the interior okay, so you are as paranoid as I am I, I'm cautious and I listen to enough true crime.
Speaker 1:That, and I think that's why I listen to true crime, because I want to know what to look for. I'm not going to get trapped into any of those old tropes. And I didn't have my knife, so I was on extra alert.
Speaker 2:Okay, and he was very cool. If you ever go to Sitka and you need a ride, we have nothing but great things to say about the one guy that did that.
Speaker 1:One guy is doing a hell of a job. Yeah, it was a red minivan. Ask yeah, it was a red minivan. Ask for the bakery guy. Yeah, bakery guy in a red minivan.
Speaker 2:That's all we can tell you. So he dropped us at the Raptor Center. We loved it. We walked around, we checked that out. It was so cool, the Raptor.
Speaker 1:Center made me so happy we saw we have bald eagles where we live. But if ours are like a foot and a half tall, the ones there are two and a half feet tall, they're easily 50 bigger than our bald eagles. And I have only where we live. I have only in my life ever seen a golden eagle once in in the wild and they had this golden eagle. Oh, he was so beautiful. His name was oliver, I believe.
Speaker 2:I think you're right, yeah, yeah, I took a little stroll down a nature path and then we left and bakery driver gave us Rob gave us directions how to walk back through like a park.
Speaker 1:It was like a national park.
Speaker 2:We got to walk back through like a little pristine kind of park area. Back to town, where we were supposed to find, we got the holy motherfucking jesus. Okay, what?
Speaker 1:just happened. We have a glass table. No, it just slid to the left. You got to go on the other side. Oh my god, how did that happen?
Speaker 2:no, you must have been like weirdly I haven't done anything.
Speaker 1:I don't think we can edit this out.
Speaker 2:We're not going to edit this out, no well I mean, we'll edit out for the audio, because this is bad audio. Okay, but can you, can you remove the tablecloth over there, so that we can at least see how even it is on that side?
Speaker 1:oh, let me look uh, you need to come yonder your way a little bit that looks good, okay, yeah okay anyway, I don't know how that happened. Wow, I mean the coffee table sucks anyways. Okay, it's fine, so we're back.
Speaker 2:He gave instructions through the nature walk back to he also told us um, to go back to town where they would be blocking the streets off for like a little street fair kind of situation oh yeah, and he told us to go to this one particular food truck that had, oh, that crab place, the last thinking yeah, it was.
Speaker 2:No, it was the um the bun. What, what, oh my god? What was the bon me place? No, it wasn't by me. It was like the little um we, we ate a bun that was filled with some kind of seafood with like a sauce. That was a banh mi.
Speaker 1:It was like a Vietnamese bun.
Speaker 2:That was not banh mi.
Speaker 1:I'm saying it was banh mi. Okay, hold on Adjacent yeah.
Speaker 2:I'm going to find it.
Speaker 1:But we went to this little black food truck. I'm sure there's a picture. It was a snow crab roll.
Speaker 2:It was a crab roll, crab roll. Yeah God, what is wrong with me?
Speaker 1:Topped with a secret sauce and seaweed powder on warm local brioche.
Speaker 2:That was so fucking good. I wished we split one, and I wished Sitka's world famous. Yeah, I wished that we had gotten more.
Speaker 1:A whole one I didn't want, because I also wanted just regular Alaskan king crab.
Speaker 2:Which we then did go find there was a tiny little alleyway where it was called fisherman's alley fisherman's alley I got picks.
Speaker 1:Very cool alaskan king crab is beautiful to look at with their big sexy legs. Yes, oh, that's what we were talking about yeah, where I live on the coast in northern california we have a crab season. We get crab a lot and we get Dungeness crab, which Bonnie also lives here and she loved Dungeness crab Dungies, as I like to call them.
Speaker 1:We like to get them live just off the boat. Bonnie did love to murder a crab. She loved a crab murder. Yeah, I love a crab murder too. There's a way to do it humanely.
Speaker 2:She introduced me to crab in my early 20s because I never ate it growing up. And then one of her favorite stories to tell was about the time that jeremy and I, when we were dating yeah, I think we weren't married yet, we were just dating and he came out to her place with me and we stayed and she cooked us crab and he ate two whole crabs incredible, and he was. She was just like blown away. Blown away that he ate that much crab and it was hilarious.
Speaker 1:I mean Dungeness crab, which, which was the point of this Alaskan king crab fresh in Alaska, is amazing in a side-by-side comparison of just just preference fresh Alaskan king crab versus fresh Dungy.
Speaker 2:I'm going to go dungy, it's a personal preference.
Speaker 1:It is a personal preference. I would go dungeness also. It's like Coke versus Pepsi. I suppose it is a very personal decision.
Speaker 2:Yeah, okay, so we went still in Sitka. Yeah, maybe we might have to have several episodes of this trip.
Speaker 1:Oh yeah, it was like 11 days long. I don't know what we're cutting out at this point, like we're off the rails, it's fine Well this is new, but we did.
Speaker 2:Then we went to the Pioneer Bar.
Speaker 1:Yes.
Speaker 2:So we went and got our Alaskan King Crab, the Pioneer Bar, and this was one of the stops that you were really, really excited for, because you had heard that it was one of the best dive bars in.
Speaker 1:Alaska. It's a great dive bar. I stand by. I stand by that. What I don't stand by is that I didn't know about their signature shot. Yeah, that was a whole thing.
Speaker 2:Do you remember what it was called? I thought it was a wet pussy, I thought it was a.
Speaker 1:It wasn't a duck fart.
Speaker 2:It was not a duck fart. No, I have a video of us and we're talking about it.
Speaker 1:Okay.
Speaker 2:It was this like we were sitting there in the bar and this guy came in who was giving like some kind of local tour. Oh, like a walking tour, yes, and he was very loud behind us in talking about the, the shot, the shot that we were supposed to take. So that was Sitka. That was Sitka. Got back on the boat. Where'd we go from there?
Speaker 1:I think Haynes was next.
Speaker 2:No, I think next was the Hubbard Glacier Really the next series of pictures I have. We didn't have a port after that until like a couple days. Oh, did we have another like day at sea? Yeah. So let's stop this episode here. Okay, we've gotten through Ketchikan and Sitka. Yeah, so okay, so if you want to reach out to us? Yeah, on the socials are dmsh pod email. Dmsh pod at gmailcom um instagram at dmsh pod.
Speaker 2:I already said that, I'm just reiterating it um, and we'll put links to our personal in the show notes as well. Great, and every everywhere else also. Join us on patreon, because that's if you're listening to this and you're not on the patreon. And we'll put links to our personal in the show notes as well. Great, and every everywhere else Great. Also join us on Patreon, because that's, if you're listening to this and you're not on the Patreon and you want to see video of this, all of the incredible professionalism going on here.
Speaker 1:Well, and we might edit out some of this for the audio because of the cameo we will.
Speaker 2:Oh, definitely we will definitely we will.
Speaker 1:Oh, definitely we will definitely. But if you want to see the behind the scenes and the off the rails, yeah, join us off the rails.
Speaker 2:All right, bye, thanks Bye. Oh, that was weird. I don't like that.
Speaker 1:Okay, you have to leave that in.
